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Chudala: Chapter 4, Star Wars

Posted on July 22, 2019 by Visvamitra

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Tapani Vaulasto, Helsinki, inland , July 23, 2019 at 4:06 AM | Reply In general, Amanda’s behavior is too cool because she is not yet in Good Consciousness. But her lifestyle is exactly what many great women want. Just two sentences to remind of this in Chapter 1: “about 45 minutes total, and I am at a plateau. Experiences are zero, meditation is usually boring, and I am no closer to moksha now than I was 10 years ago.” One of these reminders might belong to Amanda’s story to her man in dinner. Maybe two or three different words here: “called Vedic Vitaras, that he says will accelerate my progress. He thinks I can be in God Consciousness in a few weeks! No one moves that fast.” Like: I can transfer from a plateau to God Consciousness. Almost from desert. Or playing with words: from desert to dessert. —— “Actually, I don’t belong to you like your phone. I am a person and you know enlightenment is my number one priority.” Amanda said. This is good ——- “She found that she could read the thoughts of other people just by focusing on them with that intention” Intention - it is reality —— “Every night was the wildest and most experience rich time of her life. She found that she could read the thoughts of other people just by focusing on them with that intention. She could even make herself invisible – that was the flashiest thing ever. Standing in front of a mirror and watching herself disappear really gave us goosebumps.” dream word might be needed here ——— Star Wars or Harry Potter. Depends on target ———— “It is really a flat disk” great —— ““Yes, this will be an interesting change for sure. Michael, it is 8 now and I have to go start meditation. See you in the morning! Have a lovely night.” Amanda said as she left the room.” Amanda’s office hours Kevin Trainor, LA, CA , July 22, 2019 at 9:48 PM | Reply I think you probably realize some parts are moving way too fast i.e. selling the company, for one. But I think you want to do that and it moves things along to parts you like to talk about. I like and I am getting used to the pace as I'm sure the reader will. You are really cutting the fat off what could be an unnecessarily long publication. So... I like it. As mentioned the first chapter is weak and you want that to be the strongest! Because that is when people will decide if this is worth the time to invest in reading. You also have likeable characters. Michael selling the company without Amanda's acknowledgement Fix that. He sells it and thinks she'll be happy, is a better way to go. Makes him look weak and makes Amanda looked "played." On the whole I like it very MUCH! Moves fast.