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Chudala: Chapter 4, Star Wars

 

Chudala: Chapter 4, Star Wars

Amanda walked into the living room and saw 9 men seated there. Juan Tabo was the only one she knew. They all stood up.

Amanda, these are your body guards.” Juan Tabo proudly announced. The four men bowed, which looked out of character for them. The shortest one is at least 6 feet 1 and the tallest is 3 inches taller. They were standing is order of height, the shortest one on the left. They looked like military, dressed in kakis complete with desert sand boots. They all carried pistols in covered holsters and wore police-like belts with little ammo pockets. Definitely they did not look inconspicuous!

Why don’t these guys have red flashing lights on their heads?” Said Amanda. “I can’t walk around with these guys all day, this is ridiculous!

Ah, too much ‘body guard look’” Juan Tabo said.

Sorry, we will tone it down. Fellas, dress like any normal business person in San Francisco and conceal your guns.” Juan Tabo said, addressing the 8 men.

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Tapani Vaulasto, Helsinki, inland , July 23, 2019 at 4:06 AM | Reply
In general,
Amanda’s behavior is too cool because she is not yet in Good Consciousness.

But her lifestyle is exactly what many great women want.

Just two sentences to remind of this in Chapter 1:
“about 45 minutes total, and I am at a plateau. Experiences are zero, meditation is usually boring, and I am no closer to moksha now than I was 10 years ago.”

One of these reminders might belong to Amanda’s story to her man in dinner.

Maybe two or three different words here: “called Vedic Vitaras, that he says will accelerate my progress. He thinks I can be in God Consciousness in a few weeks! No one moves that fast.”

Like: I can transfer from a plateau to God Consciousness. Almost from desert.

Or playing with words: from desert to dessert.

——
“Actually, I don’t belong to you like your phone. I am a person and you know enlightenment is my number one priority.” Amanda said.

This is good

——-
“She found that she could read the thoughts of other people just by focusing on them with that intention”

Intention - it is reality

——
“Every night was the wildest and most experience rich time of her life. She found that she could read the thoughts of other people just by focusing on them with that intention. She could even make herself invisible – that was the flashiest thing ever. Standing in front of a mirror and watching herself disappear really gave us goosebumps.”

dream word might be needed here

———
Star Wars or Harry Potter. Depends on target

————
“It is really a flat disk”

great

——
““Yes, this will be an interesting change for sure. Michael, it is 8 now and I have to go start meditation. See you in the morning! Have a lovely night.” Amanda said as she left the room.”

Amanda’s office hours
Kevin Trainor, LA, CA , July 22, 2019 at 9:48 PM | Reply
I think you probably realize some parts are moving way too fast i.e. selling the company, for one. But I think you want to do that and it moves things along to parts you like to talk about. I like and I am getting used to the pace as I'm sure the reader will. You are really cutting the fat off what could be an unnecessarily long publication. So... I like it. As mentioned the first chapter is weak and you want that to be the strongest! Because that is when people will decide if this is worth the time to invest in reading. You also have likeable characters. Michael selling the company without Amanda's acknowledgement Fix that. He sells it and thinks she'll be happy, is a better way to go. Makes him look weak and makes Amanda looked "played." On the whole I like it very MUCH! Moves fast.

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